When Enough is Enough

When do we become confident to say enough is enough?

The term giving up carries negativity. That you didn’t put in effort, weren’t good enough, didn’t try harder. A quitter.  Are you a quitter?

I’ve been there and I know a few people in my life recently have decided enough is enough. 

The experience was definitely not something I would voluntarily go through again anytime soon. It started off fine but then it came down to the pressures of work getting to me. Something had changed. Not because I suddenly became incapable of doing my job. It was a sudden ramp up of pressure from various angles: internal, external, the management and unspoken expectations all at the same time. Plus being part of a team that was never filled due to constant turnover was exhausting in itself. You might read this and scoff at these ‘trivial matters’ and think I must be weak to not be able to to handle ‘common work life’ pressure. It felt like I was constantly being pulled in 20 different directions with no chance to take a breather. I had dealt with difficult people before from my retail life but this was a different level.  

What came next?

And so began my stress and anxiety. I would be anxious going to work, anxious during work and thinking about work at home. I couldn’t shut it out of my mind as hard as I tried. Restless nights led to lethargic days and the cycle continued. I figured, just a little longer, maybe it get better. Two weeks later, one month later, two months later. But better never came. Slowly I began to withdraw my enthusiasm and pulled back my investment.  

Part of me was conscious of what people would think of me and tried my best to hide my non existent poker face. Common answers I started using were usually “it’s ok” or “I’m going ok” when in fact it wasn’t. It became such a standard response that I still use it. The words themselves don’t mean much but how deep is tea room conversation anyway? The other part of me feared how my job prospects would look. 

I didn’t talk to many friends about it. Not because I was embarrassed or had anything to be embarrassed by. It was purely that I knew no one was going to understand what I was going through and they wouldn’t be able to help me. And sympathy wasn’t what I wanted.  

To tell or not tell?

But I had to tell someone. Someone who would listen and not judge my so-called trivial feelings. So I ended up speaking to a D’Accord counsellor to gain an outsider’s perspective. I was surprised I had enough to talk that much about but over the course of 3 months, I was convinced into action. 

Digging out the pen and paper, I made an extensive list of pros and cons and weighed up both sides. I may have inadvertently plagiarised TayTay’s favourite past time without thinking. 

The resolution

Making the decision to leave wasn’t easy. My heart pounded yes but my rational mind feared how it would look professionally. Not to mention how I would be perceived. In an ideal world maybe we would all be happy where we are. But it’s not always the case. It takes courage to realise that and do something about it. While not everyone is afforded the same opportunities, it’s often all too easy to just carry on and stay stuck in that situation. 

The saying, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is somewhat true, but it still hurts. But it’s also strong to take action and recognise the need to not enter the battle. Otherwise how long do we continue down the path before it’s too late to tap out? So in the end I ‘gave up’ to save myself.

On the positive front, I probably have increased my tolerance of pressure in my last employment but I’m not immune.

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Fast forwarding…

I feel saddened by two friends that have gone through this recently and have said enough is enough. As much as I can support and empathise, I will never be able to understand just how they are getting through it and their feelings. While I may have some understanding, the situation and emotions won’t translate. I can say all the things to make someone feel better but at the end of the day, I don’t know if I’m helping at all. I guess the best I can do is to just be there. “There’s no other way out for me”, one of them says, “there are days where I can’t eat, sleep or do anything. All I can think about is work.”

It’s disheartening to see the expression in her eyes. It’s almost like a flashback in the mirror. I hope she is courageous enough and have the confidence to decide whether enough is enough for her. And ultimately be unburdened of the negativity and anxiousness. My only solace is that she was comfortable to reach out and entrusting me with her predicament whereas I kept mine hidden.

The point of it all

I wanted to share this experience because if you’re in a position (whether financial or otherwise) to do something about the situation you are in, please do. Whether it is for your career like a senior title, a leadership role, a higher salary or just to even to free yourself for your wellbeing from a negative situation, it’s not selfish to want what’s best for you.